I have always been a big fan of the Jack in the Box fast-food restaurant chain. I could go on about 2 tacos for 99 cents and how Jacks taco sauce is only acceptable on those, the Super Scoop of fries, the Bacon Ultimate Cheeseburger (just make sure you have a few hours to spare before you have to do pretty much anything afterwards) and even the Rice Bowls and Egg Rolls. To be honest, Jack in the Box is pretty much everything I love a Roach Coach, minus the wheels. I’m even a fan of the commercials. In fact, I am singing the Mini Sirloin Burgers song in my head as I write this.
And now you are, too.
It is because of this I decided to give Jacks latest endeavor a shot in spite of my better judgement. Having just read that a Bacon Milkshake was added to Jacks menu, curiosity got the best of me.
I initially thought this sounded awesome. On one hand you have vanilla ice cream and let’s face it, no matter how much people rag on it, everyone likes vanilla. And on the other hand you have Americas favorite breakfast meat and the sweet flavor known to make anything taste better, bacon. It seems almost fail safe. At least…I thought it did.
The first sip was awkward, like your first beer. The second sip was weird, like that feeling you get when you are in the grocery store and you keep running into the same person. The third sip, I could really taste the bacon flavored syrup and the milkshake just felt like a meat flavored slushy. The fourth sip was gross, which is when I realized this was a bad idea. And even still I gave it one more chance to be good, and on the fifth sip I decided to throw it out before I throw it up.
How can this be? Jack in the Box never let me down like this before and I was not sure how to take it. And furthermore, how could two things that are so good end up making something so bad? Well it is kind of like the pretty parents theory. The theory that just. Because a child has two beautiful attractive parents does not mean they will turn out beautiful and attractive. Chances are they might just end up being really funny or having a great personality, and that’s OK. Bacon and ice cream would be these beautiful parents, and the bacon milkshake is their ugly baby. A very ugly baby that tasted kind of like how your house smells a few hours after you cook bacon added to a very thick vanilla shake.
Needless to say it was not a complete waste of 3 bucks. I learned a valuable lesson: Bacon does not make everything taste better. And while I know now that a Bacon Milkshake is a bad idea, it never hurts to try anything. In all honesty, I look at it now as me taking one for the team. I did it so you good folks wouldn’t have to. The Bacon Milkshake gets two thumbs down and another one down the throat to purge. Sorry Jack.
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